The 7 most common first-tee excuses, graded from lame to lamest

Excuses, excuses.

Every golfer’s got them.

Whether you should use them is another matter.

Instruction

First tees weren’t designed for pity parties. No one wants to hear your pre-round explanations for whatever misfortunes are in store.

Course etiquette suggests that all excuses are lame, though some are lamer than others.

Here’s a look at seven of the most common, and where they rank, from 1 to 5, on the pathetic scale, with 5 being the least excusable.

1. I Haven’t Played in A While

Lucky you. Less time to groove all those lousy habits. You ought to play well for at least a few holes, until the same-old glitches creep back in.

Lame-o-Meter: 5

2. I Didn’t Have a Chance to Warm Up

We recognize this as your passive-aggressive request for a mulligan. We’ll give you one, the same number of times we’ll allow this excuse.

Lame-o-Meter: 3

3. I’m Hungover

Now we’re offended. Why weren’t we invited?

Lame-o-Meter: 4

4. I’m Using Rental Clubs

Okay, fine. We’ll give you a couple of holes to get adjusted. But the archer can only blame the arrows for so long.

Lame-o-Meter: 2

5. I’ve Never Played this Course Before

Then let’s get you acquainted. This one has 18 holes, with flags in all the greens. Aim for them.

Lame-o-Meter: 5

6. I’ve Got a Bad (Insert Ailing Body Part Here)

And we’ve got cold hearts. Take four Advil and call someone who cares.

Lame-o-Meter: 3

7. I Rushed Here Straight from the Office

Good. Maybe you’ll play quickly, too.

Lame-o-Meter: 4