Excuses, excuses.
Every golfer’s got them.
Whether you should use them is another matter.
The Etiquetteist: Are first-tee excuses ever acceptable?
First tees weren’t designed for pity parties. No one wants to hear your pre-round explanations for whatever misfortunes are in store.
Course etiquette suggests that all excuses are lame, though some are lamer than others.
Here’s a look at seven of the most common, and where they rank, from 1 to 5, on the pathetic scale, with 5 being the least excusable.
1. I Haven’t Played in A While
Lucky you. Less time to groove all those lousy habits. You ought to play well for at least a few holes, until the same-old glitches creep back in.
Lame-o-Meter: 5
2. I Didn’t Have a Chance to Warm Up
We recognize this as your passive-aggressive request for a mulligan. We’ll give you one, the same number of times we’ll allow this excuse.
Lame-o-Meter: 3
3. I’m Hungover
Now we’re offended. Why weren’t we invited?
Lame-o-Meter: 4
4. I’m Using Rental Clubs
Okay, fine. We’ll give you a couple of holes to get adjusted. But the archer can only blame the arrows for so long.
Lame-o-Meter: 2
5. I’ve Never Played this Course Before
Then let’s get you acquainted. This one has 18 holes, with flags in all the greens. Aim for them.
Lame-o-Meter: 5
6. I’ve Got a Bad (Insert Ailing Body Part Here)
And we’ve got cold hearts. Take four Advil and call someone who cares.
Lame-o-Meter: 3
7. I Rushed Here Straight from the Office
Good. Maybe you’ll play quickly, too.
Lame-o-Meter: 4