At a private club, should I feel obligated to have my shoes cleaned? | The Etiquetteist

Dan from Maine asks:

As a guest at a high-end private course, should I feel obligated to let the clubhouse attendant clean my shoes? On the one hand, I don’t want to add to their workload. But I also don’t want to offend them by not allowing them to do their job. Personally, I’d be fine not having my shoes cleaned. But I want to make sure I’m not, um, stepping on any toes.

Dear Dan:

Just as great power comes with great responsibility, playing as a guest at a fancy private club comes with all kinds of pesky questions, such as how you should dress (psst, skip the cargo shorts!); what kind of thank-you gift you should get your host (how about a nice bottle of wine?); and whether you shoulder order the club sandwich or the crab bisque (hint: the club sandwich is the safer bet). 

Fortunately, your shoe-cleaning question shouldn’t add to your stress.

Before we get to the answer, a bit of context. Most private clubs offer an array of an extras, from club storage and comfort stations to valet parking, and, yes, shoe shines. Very often, the costs of these services are folded into monthly membership dues. At many of these same clubs, tipping for these services is forbidden. The perks are part of the swanky package, there to be enjoyed by members and their guests.

Should you feel obligated to use them?

Obligated is a funny word. The Etiquetteist wouldn’t go so far as to say that you’re required to get your shoes cleaned. But he’d recommend it. You might as well. After all, what’s the harm? The worst that could happen is that you’ll leave the club looking spiffier than you did when you arrived. In the best case scenario, you’ll be allowed to tip the attendant for their effort. Handing out a nice gratuity creates good feelings all around. 

As for feeling bad about adding to their workload, that’s ridiculous. It is, as you note, their job, and there’s nothing undignified about it.

If you still find yourself waffling over the decision, a good rule of thumb is to follow your host’s lead. To clean or not to clean? Whatever they opt for, you can comfortably do the same.

Beyond that, there’s no need to give your shoes a second thought.

To be safe, though, you probably shouldn’t change them in the parking lot.