Jordan Spieth dumps opening PGA shot into toilets, swears, internet melts

ROCHESTER, N.Y. — A siren sporadically sounded off in the distance here Saturday morning, and while it was not immediately clear what it was actually for, there was an explanation rich in symbolism: 

It was an alert.  

Jordan Spieth, the operator of the Jordan Spieth roller coaster, was playing golf, folks. Wake up! You don’t want to miss this. 

In that regard, he did not disappoint during the PGA Championship’s third round. He delivered from the opening bell at Oak Hill Country Club. In order: 

There was the opening tee shot. 

That one hooked left. Michael Greller, Spieth’s caddie, shouted, “Fore!” Spieth leaned. His ball hit a tree. His ball dropped in the port-a-johns. Imagine that surprise had you been there! Insert your other toilet humor here. The internet did. It commented and meme’d this one to the moon. There’s more. 

There was a ruling.  

Spieth, according to on-course reporter Ewan Porter on the ESPN+ broadcast, had no idea that his ball was in the cans. Imagine that surprise, too! He got two club-length relief to the right of the temporary immovable obstruction.  

Said ESPN+ announcer Luke Elvy: “Well, it looks like someone’s been able to retrieve his ball and give it back to him.” [LOL!] 

Said ESPN+ analyst Steve Melnyk: “Yeah, this is not how you want to start your day. More than anything, you’re embarrassed with your opening tee shot and then you’re faced with a hybrid into this opening par-4. But candidly, Jordan spends a lot of time outside the gallery ropes.” 

Said Elvy: “He’s a man of the people, isn’t he?”

From there, Spieth hit another tree, pitched on and two-putted for a bogey on the par-4. There was more. 

There were words. 

Spieth birdied the par-4 2nd because Spieth. He walked to the par-3 3rd. He hit. It fell well short. Spieth expressed himself this way:

“Damn it, hit one good f****** iron shot.”

ESPN+ couldn’t shut off the mics in time. The internet didn’t mind. The online gang meme’d and commented this beaut to Mars. After the shot, Spieth walked to the back of the tee box, looked to the sky above Rochester and unfastened his golf glove. He looked at his yardage book. He talked to himself some more, though that was inaudible. 

Said Porter on the ESPN+ broadcast: “We saw him at least a handful of times yesterday come out of the ball quite severely with his iron shots, and he’s done it again there.” 

Said Elvy: “That’s a massive miss, Steve.” 

Said Melnyk: “Oftentimes, you’re impatient with your forward swing. You don’t take the time to complete your backswing, have that nice little pause and release it going through. It’s just a little fast.” 

From there, from an awkward downhill lie in a greenside bunker, Spieth hit out, and he two-putted for a bogey-4. Of course, there was still more. 

Spieth had 15 holes to go.