WATCH: Tour pro hilariously takes down ‘poo ticket’ and gun hoarders

Stuart Appleby is good with poo tickets and guns.

Known for his dry sense of humor, the Australian PGA Tour pro wiped away and shot down coronavirus hoarders on Thursday in a video posted to his social media accounts. All in 58 seconds.

First, toilet paper.

“I don’t want to be judged as the one percent of the one percent — the elite. I got a lot of poo tickets sitting there,” the nine-time PGA Tour winner said, pointing to a few packs of toilet paper in his garage. “But depending what I eat, that will last me anywhere from a month to a couple of weeks if I go to the wrong side of the wrong food.”

Next, guns.

“I spoke to a guy who knew a guy who has two other guys he knows, and he basically said, if I got cash, I’m king, no background checks, done. I got a certain location in my house — I won’t tell you where for obvious reasons — but I’d like to show you some of the stuff I got so far,” Appleby said as the camera began to pan left of the poo tickets.

“I got to get some more ammo, but it’s looking good. I got to get some more stuff. That’s just a small sample, but looking good, baby.”

It was a stack of Nerf guns.

With the PGA Tour on break until the middle of May due to the coronavirus outbreak, Appleby has not stopped his social media activity, posting to both his Twitter and Instagram accounts. He’s captured food. Everyday life. He’s cracked jokes.

Before the break, Appleby was also a fun follow.

During a post last June, Appleby video-taped a run-in with some “famous Australian animals” (including a venomous snake) during a round with his kid. Last April, he documented that his golf cart was boxed in by another cart.

That post ended with: “Suffer in your jocks, pal!”

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