ClubProGuy: How to get the best story out of your round

“What’d ya shoot?”

How many times have you been asked that question as you sat in the grill room after a Saturday-afternoon round, or maybe while walking up to a gaggle of your fellow club members standing by the scoring table at your Club Championship? It’s such a simple question. It’s such a direct question. It’s a question that could be answered with a random number such as 88, 91 or 96, etc. But like so many things in life, it’s not quite that easy. The reality is, what happened to you on the course today can’t adequately be described with just a number. In order to give your score the justice it deserves, you’ll need to do more. I know it may sound counterintuitive, but the people asking you what you shot aren’t really looking for a number — they’re looking for a story.

The thing you need to recognize is that everyone but you got the most out of their round. The putts they should have made, they made. The bounces they should have gotten, they got. They left no shots out there. You, on the other hand, experienced a round full of burned edges, lip-outs and outrageous hardpan lies — and people want to know about it. To paint a more complete picture of your round, employ these tips:

1. Go in Order

Obviously, you want to recount every hole, but don’t confuse your rapt audience by starting with the chili dip on No. 8, followed by the car alarm in your backswing on No. 2. Skipping around can be disorienting. Start on hole 1 and move sequentially to No. 18.

2. Speak in Hyperbole

To drive your misfortune home, include language such as, “I have never seen a worse lie” or “You could hit the side of John Daly’s motorhome and not get a worse bounce” or “I’ve been a member here 12 years and have never seen a ball come to rest there.” People need to know this wasn’t just run-of-the mill bad luck. Your score today was due to generational, or perhaps even Biblical misfortune.

3. Include Gray Areas

Does being “between clubs” or having a sprinkler head in your line of vision qualify as a legit bad break? Probably not. Throw them in your recap anyway.

4. Don’t Reciprocate

Face it — no one else’s round is going to be as compelling as yours, so don’t even bother asking your pals what they shot. If you sense they’re threatening to riff on the deets of their rounds, quickly change the subject to something everyone is certain to be interested in: your son’s T-Ball batting average.

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