16 takeaways from Brooks Koepka’s hysterical Instagram state of the union

Brooks Koepka loves Phish Food, he can’t cook worth a lick and he’s terrified of snakes. He’s also preparing doggedly for the Masters in a few weeks and not looking to talk about his feud with Bryson DeChambeau.

We know these things, not from a revealing interview or a press conference — Brooks isn’t doing much of either these days as he continues to rehab from an injury-plagued 2020 season. Rather, we know these things from Instagram, where the four-time major champion (and his girlfriend, actress Jena Sims) welcomed fans into a practice round and, evidently, the inner machinations of his mind.

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Koepka is far from a recluse, but on Monday he shared his hottest takes and honest opinions on everything from the world of golf to his favorite rappers. His answers appeared on Sims’ Instagram story throughout the course of the evening, illuminating both Brooks’ goofy personality and some unique insight into the state of his game.

Here are our 16 biggest takeaways from Brooks’ Instagram state of the union.

16 takeaways from Brooks Koepka’s Instagram Q&A

His favorite golfer ever is Tiger Woods: “I think it’s pretty easy. Anyone under the age of 35 or younger, Tiger’s the only reason we’re playing,” he said. “The game needs him. We need him as players and he’s fun to watch as fans.”

Even during rehab, he works out relentlessly: “If I’m on the road, six days a week,” Brooks said. “At home, five-six days a week.”

He doesn’t have an equipment sponsor for a good reason: “The freedom,” he said. “I get to play whatever I want. I get to play whatever company might be the best for me. I get to try everybody’s new stuff and I don’t have to be tied down or locked down.”

He had a surprising answer for the best athletes on tour: In listing the best athletes on the PGA Tour, Koepka was quick to mention everybody’s favorite former college basketball player, Gary Woodland. But he added two other names along with Woodland’s: Tony Finau and Dustin Johnson.

There’s a reason why he always wipes his putter: “My coach in college, I can’t remember if it was Trey (Jones) or (Chris) Malloy, told me a story about some guy missing a short putt because there was a little grain of sand on there, so I always wipe it off.”

His favorite women’s golfer is Mel Reid: “She actually just won a few weeks ago,” he said. “She’s awesome. Played a few rounds with her. She’s a cool chick.”

He doesn’t want to talk about Bryson: “If you’ve got something nice to say don’t say it at all,” he said. Somehow, that says it all.

His favorite ice cream is Ben and Jerry’s: Phish Food. Later asked about the band that is the ice cream’s namesake, Brooks was dumbfounded. “What’s that?”

He has a favorite rapper: “Right now? Future. DaBaby. Migos. Lil Wayne is good.”

He’s playing up the jock persona just a *bit*: Why does he do it? “Just to f— with you, that’s why.”

He can’t cook: “No. I suck. I can’t cook anything.” His favorite food? Sushi.

He occasionally uses women’s body wash: “He might kill me for this one,” Sims said. “He uses my body wash. If you ever get close just take a sniff, because he probably smells like some Bath and Body Works fragrance.”

He’s terrified of snakes: “If there’s a snake, I am deathly afraid of snakes. I don’t mess with those things.” Us too, Brooks.

He flew straight to Vegas after winning the 2017 U.S. Open: “I’ll let you guys figure out what happened,” he laughed.

His advice for young golfers is Bryson-esque: “Honestly, just try to hit it as far as you can,” he said. “When I started I teed everything up just to hit it as far as I can. Once you get the distance down, then you can start bringing it in and trying to hit it straight. But just try to hit it as far as you can and hit it off the center of the face.”

He’s gearing up for Augusta National: “I mean I’m practicing right now for it,” he said. “So hopefully, it’s pretty good right now.”