13 ridiculous ways the pros could splurge with their FedEx Cup bonus money

September 21, 2017

With a $10 million check for the winner, and plenty left over for everyone else, the FedEx Cup runneth over with head-spinning playoff payouts. The purses are so fat, they make us wonder: What might an already flush Tour pro do with all that dough? Here’s what.

1st place — $10,000,000

Unnecessary splurge: Jewel-encrusted bra

You don’t have to be dating a super-model to buy your special lady a super-model bra. Take, for instance, the diamond-centered Victoria’s Secret Heavenly 70 Fantasy Bra, which Tyra Banks showcased in 2004. It was valued at $10 million. The photo of Banks wearing it might be worth a bit more.

2nd place — $3,000,000

Unnecessary splurge: Two rooms with a view

Three million smackeroos don’t stretch as far as they used to along 17-mile Drive in Pebble Beach. But the coastal views from this property go on forever. Two-bedrooms, three-baths, and all the prestige you could ever ask for. Current asking price: $2,995,000. (That leaves $5K, which would cover your first nine loops around Pebble.) 

3rd place — $2,000,000

Unnecessary splurge: Live like Johnny Depp for a month

Let’s just clarify: The foppish film star is not for sale. But, according to a recent report in Vanity Fair, based on the details of a lawsuit Depp filed against his former business managers, his own lavish lifestyle costs upward of $2 million a month.

4th place — $1,500,000

Unnecessary splurge: Custom LaFerrari

If only Ian Poulter had a chance to finish fourth in this year’s Fed Ex Cup race, he could trade his paycheck for a custom LaFerrari. Poor chap. Looks like he’ll have to settle for the multiple Ferraris he already owns.

5th place — $1,000,000

Unnecessary splurge: A Donald Ross course

Why bother buying a golf course membership when you can buy an entire golf course? And not just any golf course. The Donald Ross Golf Club in Fort Wayne, Ind. It’s on the blocks for $990,000. That price includes carts, maintenance equipment, pre-paid pro shop inventory, and a clubhouse with not one but two restrooms. Sounds like a steal.

6th place — $800,000

Unnecessary splurge: Really big bomber

The U.S. Zumwalt is a marvel of militaristic might, a stealth vessel equipped with two huge guns that can take out targets with deadly accuracy from some 80 miles away. Cool, right? Costly, too. A single round of ammo costs a reported $800,000.

7th place — $700,000

Unnecessary splurge: Green jacket

Most Tour pros would give anything to win the Masters. Failing that, perhaps they could purchase the green jacket that once belonged to the first Masters champion, Horton Smith. Going once. Going twice. The coat sold for $682,000 in a 2013 auction. [image:13537718]

8th place — $600,000

Unnecessary splurge: Everything at Oprah’s yard sale

An ordinary teapot. A framed portrait of a puppy. A copy of a TV Guide with Winfrey on the cover. These and other knickknacks fetched a total of $600,000 when Oprah unloaded items from her Montecito mansion. Membership to her book club is still free.

9th place — $550,000

Unnecessary splurge: Ruth Madoff’s engagement ring

Financial swindler Bernie Madoff was a golfer, and a reported sandbagger to boot. But we wouldn’t deceive you. The engagement ring that once belonged to his wife, Ruth, sold for $550,000 seven years ago. It being a Madoff item, though, who knows it’s value today?

10th place — $500,000

Unnecessary splurge: 1959 Les Paul Sunburst guitar

That’s a lot for an old electric six-string. But if it’s good enough for Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page and Slash, it’s good enough for any Tour pro.

15th place — $250,000

Unnecessary splurge: Trip to space

It’s been a long grind of a season. Time to get away. Really far away. Up, up, up and beyond the Earth’s orbit on the Spaceship Two from Virgin Galactic, Richard Branson’s experimental dream ride for the super-rich. A seat on the still-unscheduled maiden flight commands a quarter of a million bucks. Mr. Mickelson, welcome aboard!

20th place — $225,000

Unnecessary splurge: Wyatt Earp’s gun

Congratulations, sharpshooter. You can know pick up something that belonged to another sharpshooter. Namely, the Colt .45 believed to have been used by Wyatt Earp at the fabled shootout at the O.K. Corral.

30th place — $175,000

Unnecessary splurge: Week of lessons with Dave Pelz

Drive for show, putt for dough. If you’d only wielded your flat-stick a bit better, you could afford even more time with short-game guru Dave Pelz, who charges $20,000 a day if you visit him in Austin, and $30,000 a day if he comes to you, Rory. 

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