11 products Apple should roll out for golfers (the iPro Shuffle, anyone?)

September 18, 2017

At its annual keynote event last week, Apple unveiled a spate of whiz-bang new products, including the wireless-charging iPhone X. Impressive stuff. But, uh, Tim Cook … nothing for us golfers? Here are 11 products we’d like to see Apple make for golfers.

1. The iPro Shuffle

This pocket-sized virtual instructor spits out random, catchy swing tips throughout your round, none especially helpful.

2. Apple Golf Pencil 

Lets you jot down scores and stats on your iPhone or iPad as naturally as you would on a scorecard. Auto-correct function shocks and admonishes users who try to record a bogey instead of the double they actually made. 

3. The iSuck7

Golfers are notorious for self-flagellation. This handheld, lithium powered 4G device does the job for you, gleefully reminding you how bad you are.

4. The MacBook O’Grady Air

An ultra-thin, lightweight laptop with an operating system so whacky no one can figure out how it functions.

5. iTee

This sleek, indestructible peg tracks your driving data at a cost of $299, but after a year it develops mystifying glitches so you have to replace it with the $399 iTee 2. 

6. Apple IIe Driver

Features outdated persimmon and hickory technology that won’t help your game but will help infuse your bag with retro cred in the same way that carrying a 1-iron does. 

7. Steve Jobs Golf Apparel

This exorbitantly priced line of moisture-wicking golf attire features only two items: black mock turtlenecks and leg-hugging stonewashed jeans. Disclaimer: Outfit frowned upon by most clubs.

8. The iKnow Your Game Better Than You Do Scorecard

A facial- and hangover-recognition scorecard that IDs you (and your state of mind) on the first tee and instantly displays your 18-hole tally on its LED screen, so you don’t even have to bother playing your round.

9. The Apple Golf Watch (and Sort-of Listens) 

Attached snugly to your wrist, this endlessly patient device tracks your every shot, then hangs out with you in the clubhouse and feigns interest as you recount every one of them. [image:13938427]

10. iCart

This hydrogen-fuel cell powered buggy is aerodynamic and handles sharp cart-path turns like a dream. Downside: good luck finding a charging station.

11. Se-Ri 

Not to be confused with Siri, these space-age talking head covers in the likeness of South Korean great Se-Ri Pak dole out concise, often witty, game-improvement advice.